


How To Fall For An Angel

by ChristinMKay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Boners, Breakfast, Comforting Dean, Couch Cuddles, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Domestic Fluff, Gabriel Ships It, Guilty Dean, Hospitals, How Do I Tag, Human Castiel, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Naked Castiel, Pie, Scared Castiel, Sharing a Bed, Surprise Kissing, Television Watching, Whovians, also dean is a bit awkward, dean is a bit in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2119974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristinMKay/pseuds/ChristinMKay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tries to ignore his feelings for Cas since he is a  angel and humans should not have feelings for angels. Even not if they are fallen angels right? Meanwhile Cas discovers a secret message for angels in the old Doctor Who theme that causes a break down. Also Sam and Kevin are behaving really weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How to comfort an angel

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction takes place in season nine, only that Sam is not possessed and Castiel can stay at the bunker.  
> I've got the idea for this fiction by Misha Collins, who said that he was scared by the Doctor Who theme when he was a child.  
> Also a huge thanks to Shadowcat221b for reading beta.

It had been an exhausting week. Hunting ghost was easy normally. Finding out who the ghost was and then burning the bones. 

The case had seemed simple and they had found out quickly who the ghost was and where his bones had been buried. They dug up the grave, burned the bones, job done. But of course the ghost they had hunted was not an ordinary ghost but a famous mass murder who's murder weapon, an old rusty knife, was exhibited in some crime fan museum. Since that was a remain the ghost could stick onto, another innocent person got killed. 

Such things always made Dean angry because he thought it was his fault. The feeling of guilt only grew stronger as Cas got hurt pretty bad as they tried to burn the freaking knife.

It had been his job to burn the knife while Sam and Cas should watch out for guards. But he had been distracted by the huge knife collection that was in the museum and the freaking ghost had used Dean's hesitation to attack Cas.

Of course Sam and Cas managed to fight the ghost off until Dean finally had burned the knife. 

Seeing the angel bleed was still new for Dean. Well, the fallen angel. Cas had got some bruises and a few cuts along his arms and even though he insisted that they were not hurting that much and that he was fine, Dean still felt guilty.

The 18 hour car ride home made Dean's mood just worse. 

He was mad, frustrated and tired as hell as they arrived at the bunker. Maybe he would calm himself down if he watched TV and got something to eat. They still had pie in the fridge, Dean remembered.

“Anyone up for TV?”, he asked.

“No thanks, I still have to look something up in the library.”, Sam answered.

Dean shook his head in surprise. He wondered how that man still could work. 

“Oh yeah right, he had slept through the whole car ride, that jerk.”, Dean thought.

“What...what about you Cas?”, Dean turned to Cas trying to ignore the bandages on Cas's arms and the one patch on his cheek.

Cas seemed to hesitate.

“We could also share the last bit of pie that's in the fridge.”, Dean blurted out. 

Sam frowned but kept silent.

“That sounds alright. I would like to watch television with you Dean.”, Cas gave him a small smile.

“But before I would like to take a shower and change into more comfortable clothes.”, he added already tucking on his tie.

“Yes, sure. Me too.”, Dean replied.

“Good, I will see you then.”, said Cas and went inside the bunker with Sam.

Dean was standing there for a second thinking that it was funny how fast Cas wanted to get into sweatpants and a t-shirt, considering that he had been running around in a suit and a trench coat all the time back when had been an angel. 

“Maybe it's because he is human now.”, Dean reasoned as he stepped inside the bunker.

God he was tired. He stretched and yawned, his eyes closed as he walked into his room.

“Dean!”, Dean's eyes flung open only to find a very naked Castiel in front of him.

“Woah, what the hell are you doing in my room?”, Dean yelled raising his hand to cover his eyes, but Castiel already grabbed a towel to cover himself up and without knowing why Dean let his hand sink down again.

“Your room?”, Castiel asked slightly upset, “Dean, you are in my room.” 

Fuck.

“Y..Y...Your room?”, Dean stuttered trying not to stare at Cas but he kind of couldn't turn his eyes away.

“Yes Dean. My room.”, Castiel tried to sound calm but Dean could clearly hear his embarrassment.

He forced himself to look away from Cas and to look at the room. And yes, it was not his room but Castiel's. Tired as he was he must have entered a door to early.

“Oh yeah..uhm”, Dean blushed, his eyes again focused on Cas's bare chest, “Sorry Cas. I'll...I'll better...leave...now.”, he said still starring at Cas not making any effort to move away.

“Indeed. I think that would be wise Dean.”, Castiel stared back at Dean, his blue eyes practically stabbing through Dean. Dean realized he was still standing in Cas' room.

“Yeah sorry.”, he said once again bumming into a chair as he left the room.

Damn it. That should not have happened.

Dean went into his own room, undressed himself and stepped inside his shower.

“Okay calm down”, he told himself, “So you have seen Cas naked. No big deal. A lot of people have seen their best friend naked.”

Dean took a deep breath.

“And now stop it. You should not think about your best friend while your taking a shower.”, he reproved himself.

But the image of a naked Castiel clutching a towel onto his most intimate parts was burned into Dean's mind. His pale skin bringing out his blue jabbing eyes and his black hair. His striking hipbones, his left one covered with an anti possession tattoo. His well trained abs. Dean imagined how it must feel running a finger over them, down to the hipbone circling around Cas' tattoo.

“Okay stop it! You should never think of your best friend being naked, while your taking a shower!”, Dean thought.

Why the hell could he not stop thinking about Cas?

He suddenly felt a movement between his tights, looked down and...OH MY GOD.

“You should not get a boner while you're thinking of your naked best friend who has been a former angel, while you're taking a shower!” 

Dean slightly freaked out. What now? He was definitely not jerking off while thinking of Cas! Sure it might have happened a few times that those electric blue eyes popped into his head as he jerked off. And he might have imagined that deep husky voice repeating Dean's name over and over again while he was doing it. 

But he always had tried to ignore it. Not because Cas was male. No, Dean had discovered ages ago that he was also attracted to men. It didn't happen that often but it happened. 

Dean had to think back to Aaron. The flirty jewish guy in this one bar and god if he had not worked a case that time, Dean had asked him out for sure, but...

“Not now Winchester! Completely wrong time.”, he tried to focus.

Maybe it would help, if he turned the water all cold. 

He started shivering but he rather took that option than jerking off while thinking of a freaking angel of the lord! Fallen angel.

“Okay and now think of...Bobby in a dress... or of Sam making out with Ruby...or Leviathans!”, thank god this method seemed to work and Dean started to relax but didn't turn on the hot water again. Just in case.

As he climbed out the shower and grabbed a towel he tried carefully not to strike over his dick to much as he dried himself.

He went out of his own bath into his room and put on a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.

He closed the door of his closet almost ready to leave his room and go into the living room as someone nocked on the door.

“Dean?”, he heard Cas' voice say, “May I come in?”, and before Dean could answer anything Cas had already opened the door and stepped inside Dean's room.

Cas' hair was still wet and a total mess. He was wearing grey sweatpants and still had the bandages on his arms. But he was not wearing a t-shirt or anything like that.  
Dean swallowed finding himself staring at Cas' chest once again. Why the hell was he not wearing a damn t-shirt?

“Dean, my bandages got all wet and are really uncomfortable. I need help changing them.”, Cas' explained.

Dean blinked looking a bit confused, still busy trying not to stare at Cas.

“Would you maybe be so kind?”, Cas continued his request.

“Yeah.”, Dean cleared his throat, “Yeah sure. Sit down, I'll get you new bandages. I think I have some in my bathroom.”, he said.

As he came back new bandages in his hands, Cas sat on his bed.

Why the hell was Cas, a half naked Cas, sitting on his bed?

“Maybe because you told him to sit down, you dumb-ass?”, he thought sitting down on his bed next to Cas  
.  
He hesitated a second to touch Cas but then slowly started taking off the old wet bandages. As he had taken them off he could clearly see the cuts on Cas' arms. Next to the fresh ones there were scars from old fights and Dean suddenly had the urgent desire to kiss those scars, to follow them with his fingers, to cover Castiel's whole body with kisses, to run his fingers through Cas's messy hair, to hold him close and never let him go.

“Wait no! Stop it Dean!”, he thought.

Of course he could not denial that they always had shared a little bit more than just a profound bound especially back during the apocalypse and if they had not been so busy saving the world...or back in purgatory if Benny hadn't been there.

But even if, Castiel was a freaking angel of the lord. Or well, had been. But that didn't change anything..did it?

Dean shook his head, trying to focus on putting on new bandages. As he finished he stroke gently about Cas' arms.

“Thanks Dean.”, Cas gave him a soft smile that made Dean feel all warm inside.

“How about I'll put on a shirt, you go to the kitchen and we meet in the living room?”, Cas suggested.

“Kitchen?”, Dean was ripped out of his thoughts.

“To get the pie.”, Cas explained.

“Oh yeah, sure thing.”, Dean nodded and got up.

“Good, because I'm starving.”, said Cas as they parted at Dean's door.

Dean had to smile. Funny how things change. Years ago Cas was never hungry. And now he used the term 'starving'. Cas was..really human.

Dean opened the fridge to take out the pie.

“But actually he is just an angel without his grace. Not really human. A fallen angel.”, he thought.

“Well so was Anna and that didn't stop you from sleeping with her.”, a tiny voice said in his head.

“Well, maybe...wait who said I wanted to sleep with Cas?”, he shook his head as he put two pieces of pie on two plates.

“Nobody. Getting a boner because of someone does not mean you're attracted to them in any kind of sexual way.”, the voice now sounded like Gabriel.

“Oh shut up.”, Dean whispered as he looked for forks.Where the hell were the damn forks?

In his left hand Dean was holding the two plates with the pie, with his right hand he was grubbing through all drawers looking for the froks as he suddenly heard a whimper from the living room. It didn't sound good at all and without any hesitation Dean dropped both plates and sprinted into the living room ready to face any kind of enemy.

But all there was, was Cas curled together on the couch his hands pressed on his ears his face obviously in pain.

Behind Cas was the TV showing an episode of Classic Who. Dean only recognized it because of the famous theme melody. Tom Baker's head was just flying through space while some really high notes where played. Dean found the old themes, especially the ones from the eighties really absurd.

“Cas buddy, are you okay?”, Dean asked and immediately wanted to slap himself because obviously Cas was not okay.

“Turn it off.”, Castiel whimpered, “Please Dean, it hurts. Turn it off.”

Did...did Cas mean the Doctor Who theme melody? Sure Dean preferred Star Trek over Doctor Who but still the theme melody was maybe weird but not that unpleasant.  
“Dean, please!”, Castiel was begging now, tears in his eyes.

Dean of course hurried to get the remote and turned the TV off. Cas relaxed a bit but was still shaking.

Dean sat down next to him and wrapped his left arm around Castiel.

 

“Shhh, Cas, everything is all right.”, with his right arm he started stroking Cas' back.

“Shhh, I got you, I'm here for you. “, Castiel was shaking less now.

“You're safe Cas.”, Dean whispered still not knowing why the hell Cas would react so scared to a theme melody.

Castiel had now stop shaking and took a deep breath.

“You're feeling better?”, Dean asked concerned his left arm still around Cas.

Castiel nodded. 

“Cas, do you wanna tell me why you were so scared by the Doctor Who theme melody?”, Dean was not curious but worried.

He had seen Castiel behave like this only a few times and he had hated it. He had hated it to see the angel cry, to shake full of fear, to be weak and fragile. Well but on the other hand Cas was weaker and more fragile than ever since he was not an angel anymore but a fallen angel. Still Dean didn't like to see Cas so broken. He just felt guiltier and guiltier every second.

“The melody, “, Cas said his throat really dry, “the melody had a secret message for angels.”

“The Doctor Who theme has a secret message for angels?”, Dean asked not able to believe what Cas was telling him. No offence but Cas had once seen the Road Runner as metaphor for god and Wile E. Coyote as metaphor for humanity, so Dean was a bit skeptic about secret messages in the freaking Doctor Who theme.  
“And also I thought you're human now. How can you hear messages only meant for angels.”, he added.

“Well I am still able to hear the angel radio. I can hear them talk all the time. Even as a fallen angel.”, Castiel explained, “But they make me uncomfortable, dizzy and they hurt. They hurt so much.”

“Then why..”, Dean's voice dropped by the sound of Cas' sad voice, “why are you listening if it hurts so much?”

“Normally I'm not. I always shut them out.”, Cas answered, “Only this time, I was not prepared to hear them talk. It took me by surprise.”

“And what..what did the messages say?”, Dean just had to ask, “And how did they even get in the theme in the first place?”

“I do not know how they got there.But I guess the high notes of the theme were a good disguise for the voices of the angels. They actually do not say anything special. Nothing we did not know before. Just warnings about yellow eyes and that he is up to something. But that was a long time ago.”, Cas replied, “Although there was a part I did not quite understand. But please Dean, don't make me listen to them again.” Cas suddenly looked very scared again.

“Of course not Cas.”, Dean sounded quite shocked, “ I would never force you to listen to them again, if they hurt you so much!”

He looked Cas deep in the eyes.

“I promise.”, he said as he wiped away Cas' tears with his thumb.

“How about I get us the pie and you put in a DVD of Stark Trek?”, Dean suggested and Castiel nodded and smiled.

“Thank you Dean.”, he said and Dean just nodded.

“Really odd those angels.”, Dean thought as he went to get the pie “Putting messages in the Doctor Who theme.” 

A small part of him wondered what those messages were that Cas didn't really understand, but he promised Cas he would not make him listen to those again nor did he want to see his angel suffer like that ever again. 

Wait did he just call Cas 'his angel'? 

“Oh screw it!”, Dean decided, “Cas had dragged him out hell, had watched over him and saved his life. Calling him 'his angel' was absolutely legitimate.”

They ate their pie and watched Star Trek. After a while Dean started freezing.

Why the hell was he so stupid only to wear a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He should have taken a jumper and sweatpants instead. He still could get up and change, but the episode was really exciting and he was also really lazy. But still he started to shiver.

“Are you cold?”, Castiel asked.

“A bit.”, he answered, “Wait, Cas, what are you doing?”

Cas had moved closer to Dean and pressed his upper body against Dean's chest, their legs slightly tangled in each other.

“Isn't it obvious?”, the fallen angel asked, “I'm keeping you warm. I've seen people do it in movies.Also I'm a bit cold myself.”

“Uhm..yeah..but Cas,”, Dean stared but he had to admit it felt kind of nice “Never mind. Let's just watch the show.”

Cas nodded and then pressed his head again against Dean's chest. 

After a while Dean could feel how Cas' breath slowed down and as he looked closely he could see that Castiel had fallen asleep.

“Great,”, Dean thought, “Now I have to spend my night on the couch with a fallen angel all over me.” 

The option to wake Castiel up never occurred to him.

“Good night Cas.”, he mumbled as softly pressed his lips in Castiel's hair.

“What the hell am I doing?”, he though for a second before he fell asleep too.


	2. How to live with an angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for adding this chapter so late. School and work really got into my way but I promise I will add the next chapter pretty soon. Also this is not read beta (or at least not the second part, the first part was read beta by shadowcat221b).

When Dean woke up his neck hurt like hell and it took him a minute to figure out why he was not resting on his beloved memory foam and why there was something heavy but kinda comfortable lying on top of him.  
Then he remembered. Cas. Cas was lying on top ofhim, because he fell asleep cuddled against Dean.Castiel was still asleep his breath calm and steady, his hair a total mess and a bit of drool dripping out of his mouth.  
 _God, he was cute when he was asleep._  
“Whoa. Stop right there!”, Dean thought, “First of all Cas is...well has been an angel of the Lord and you don't call him cute. You also don't CUDDLE with him and you should not have been cuddling in the first place.”  
Dean was really about to panic but Castiel sleeping on his torso calmed him down again, until....   
_Shit what if Sam had seen them?_   
And totally ignoring Cas Dean jumped up.  
With half a snore and half a scream Castiel fell down on the floor and woke up.  
“Shit. Cas, sorry. Are you alright?”, Dean immediately cursed his decision to jump up seeing Cas lying on the floor his head only inches away from the table. If he had hit it and got hurt...Dean seemed to get Cas hurt often lately and a huge wave of guilt overcame him.  
“Yes, I'm fine. But are you okay Dean? Why did you jump off the couch?”, Cas sounded concerned his hand rubbing his neck and his still sleepy blue eyes looking directly at Dean.  
“Yeah...I'm...I just...”, Dean stuttered.  
 _I just didn't want to cuddle with you because it's not manly? I was afraid Sam would laugh at me? I'm Dean Winchester and I don't do cuddle?_   
He felt so stupid.   
“Did you have a nightmare?”, Castiel asked looking at him like he could relate. Of course Castiel could relate. Loosing his grace, having his brain washed, fighting in Purgatory, being controlled by Leviathans.  
“Doing this job and not having nightmares would be a miracle”, occurred to Dean and yes sometimes Dean had nightmares, about hell, purgatory, loosing Sam, Cas and even Kevin. So admitting having a nightmare would be less embarrassing than admitting that he felt like he had to prove his manhood. So he nodded.  
“Yeah...I did. Sorry man, didn't meant to throw you off the couch.”  
“It is okay. Nothing happened and at least I am awake now”, Cas gave him a slight smirk that sent a tingling feeling down to Dean's stomach. Hunger. The feeling just had to be hunger.  
“I'm hungry”, Dean tried to explain his feelings.  
“Yeah hungry for Cas”, said this tiny voice, reminding him way to much of Gabriel, in his head.  
“You're hungry? I'm hungry. Breakfast. I should make breakfast. What do you think of pancakes? I'm gonna make pancakes. Maybe Sammy wants some too. Pancakes”, Dean spoke way too fast trying to ignore this tiny voice in his head, leaving the room backwards almost falling over a chair.Damn that happened often lately.  
He gave Castiel a nervous and unconvinced smile before he turned around and tried not to sprint out of the room, leaving a really confused Cas behind.  
As soon as he left the room he banged his head against the wall cursing his stupidity.  
“Dean, are you sure you are alright?”, he heard Cas calling.  
 _Fuck._  
“Yeah.”, was all he could answer and before the situation could get any more awkward he hurried into his room, to get dressed because he was still only wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt and without Cas' warming body lying on him, he started to freeze.  
As Dean left his room fully dressed he saw Sam standing in the door of his room, back turned to Dean saying something like “I'll get you some coffee”, and as Dean closed his door Sam turned around his face pale as snow and full of panic.  
“Is someone there with you?”, Dean asked curious.  
“No”, Sam replied but Dean could tell he was lying and pushed his brother aside entering his room, seeing someone he had not expected to see.  
“Kevin? What are you doing here?”, Dean wondered. Kevin had been on a trip searching for some ancient book for prophets or something and if he was back why would Sam hide him?  
“Hi Dean”, Kevin gave him a tired smile, “I arrived last night and just crawled in an empty bed what happened to be Sam's. I didn't want to wake anybody up.”  
“Yeah...I fell asleep in the library and I thought Kevin could use some rest and was about to make him a coffee”, Sam explained.  
Dean was still about to ask why Sam would hide Kevin from him, but in that moment “What are you guys all doing in Sam's room?”, he heard Cas say and a few seconds later he felt a breath on his shoulder giving him goose bumps.Cas, who had looked over Dean's shoulder to get a better view of Sam's rooms said: “Oh, hi Kevin.”  
Dean almost jumped aside staring at Castiel, who was now also fully dressed wearing an old pair of jeans and an old grey jumper bringing out his blue eyes. Cas starred back at him and Dean turned around to Kevin really fast.  
“I was about to make breakfast. I thought pancakes. Do you want some Kevin? I mean everybody likes pancakes, right?”, and once again he found himself moving backwards leaving the room and he thanked God as no chair was in his way this time.  
“Uhm yeah, but only if you have maple syrup!”, Kevin almost had to yell because Dean was already heading towards the kitchen.  
“Okay calm yourself and stop behaving like a complete idiot”, Dean told himself while trying to focus on his pancakes.  
He heard a few steps and someone entered the kitchen. As he glanced over his should he saw Cas, who was already working on the coffee machine, making some coffee. Castiel now lived with the Winchesters for about a month and after a few horrible tries he finally managed to handle the coffee maker.  
Dean had to smile a bit a remembering the proud look and the angel's face when he brought Dean his first cup of coffee he managed to make without any help. Since then Cas always made them coffee. It was a nice thing Dean and Sam really got used to. Despite all the awkward situations and questions that were caused by Cas, living with an angel was not that bad. Sure in the beginning it had been exhausting teaching Cas to knock before entering a bed room, to remind him to eat and drink on a regular basis and sometimes Dean had even had the feeling that Castiel needed to be reminded to breathe. But now, after almost a month, he managed being human quite well.  
Dean started to imagine having a domestic life with Cas, making breakfast every morning together, falling asleep in front of the TV every evening, cuddling. Dean was so far away in his daydream he didn't even care that all this fluffy stuff was not really a thing he would normally do.  
He was ripped back to reality as he smelled something burned. He had totally forgotten the pancakes.  
“Shit!”, he cursed, trying to save what was left to save.  
“Don't you think the behaviour is a little bit unusual and weird?”, Cas suddenly asked placing plates on the table.  
Dean felt caught.  
“I'm not behaving weird. Sorry that I burned the pancakes, that happens!”, he blurred out panic in his voice.  
“Yes I know, Dean. I was talking about Sam and Kevin”, Cas explained.  
Dean breathed relieved.  
“Well maybe a bit but who knows what's going on in the heads of those bookworms.”  
Cas nodded but still seemed to think about it and Dean was almost about to admit that maybe the behaviour of Sam and Kevin was unusual as they both entered the kitchen.  
“That smells delicious and oh God you have coffee”, Kevin sighed happy grabbing a cup of coffee and putting a lot of sugar in it.  
“Sure, I guess it was an exhausting trip then”, Dean said putting some pancakes on everybody's plate. And no, of course he did not choose on purpose to give the best one to Cas. That was a total coincidence.  
“Yeah especially last night was really long and hard”, Kevin added and Sam made a choking noise.  
“You okay Sammy?”, Dean asked getting more and more confused.  
“Yeah”, Sam coughed, “The coffee...really hot.”  
Dean frowned but was distracted by Cas who had put some Nutella on his pancake and a bit of it was stuck on his upper lip. Cas licked with his tongue over his lip and Dean had to swallow.  
“Dean and Cas sitting tree...”, the Gabriel's voice was singing in his head and Dean had the feeling that somebody was staring at him but as he turned his head to the left he only saw Kevin, who was busy drowning his pancakes in maple syrup.  
“Oh by the way, I think I've got you a case”, Kevin said after he had eaten a lot of pancakes, “In a hospital nearby. Walking corpses. Sounds either like a zombie apocalypse or your kind of thing.”  
“Sure. We should check it out. Thanks Kev”, Dean replied, “Cas you should maybe stay here. I mean you're still hurt.”  
“That's really kind of you, Dean, but I think I will be able to handle it”, Cas answered.   
“Are you sure Cas? Because I just don't wa...”  
“Thanks Dean, but I'm fine and totally abel to work on a case”, Cas sounded really certain and Dean didn't dare to argue anymore.  
“Yeah you two should go”, Sam agreed, “I still gotta work in the library and Kevin and I wanted to talk about this book of prophets. You'd probably just be bored if you stayed here and listened to all that book stuff.”  
“Yeah definitely”, Kevin supported Sam.  
Dean and Cas, who had both been staring at each other during their little argument, now turned their heads facing Kevin and Sam.  
“You wanna stay here?”, Dean asked not quite sure if he had understood them right.  
“Exactly.”, Sam answered.  
“Well in this case I guess it's only you and me”, Cas smiled and Dean could imagine worse than being on a hunt alone with the angle.  
So he ignored his suspicious feeling and after they had finished breakfast, he and Cas walked to the impala to drive to the hospital.

Dean didn't like hospitals. In his opinion they smelled like blood, death and germicide and the pastel shade coloured walls made him sick. Also he was not really a fan of germs and those buildings were full of them.  
He really tried to focus on the doctor he was asking if anything special or unusual happened lately, but he couldn't concentrate.  
The girl sitting opposite him wasn't really helpful either. She was wearing a fez and doodling some strange circles on a piece of paper. And on top of all this distraction Cas was standing so fucking close to him that Dean could feel Cas' breath against his neck.  
Suddenly the phone of the girl with the fez started ringing and a familiar melody started to play. Dean tried to remember why he knew this melody as suddenly he heard a moan and Castiel broke down right next to him.


	3. How to take care of an angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm sorry for taking so much time, but since I've got holidays now you won't have to wait much longer for the next chapter. And also once again no one read beta, so I'm really sorry for any mistakes.

 

Breaking down in a hospital has some perks. For example you are surrounded by doctors who know what to do. They can identify the cause of your breakdown and take care of you knowing how to get you healthy again.  
In Castiel's case they diagnosed dehydration and light infections on the wounds on his arms. Still they were a bit surprised he broke down so easily. It was odd for an FBI agent and even weirder was the behaviour of his partner.  
It was not the first time the hospital had contact with the FBI but they never had seen an agent act like this.  
Dean was furious and scared. Scared as hell. This was all his fault. He should have changed Cas' bandages this morning and he should have looked if Cas had drank enough, but he had to be a selfish idiot wondering why he felt this tingling in his stomach when Cas smiled at him.  
Of course Castiel's breakdown had also something to do with the Doctor Who Theme ringtone of the fez girl, but that did not calm Dean at all. Who knows what the hidden messages of the angels did to Cas' brain.  
The doctors were still doing some tests trying to find out what else could be wrong with Castiel to cause such an extreme breakdown.  
Every time a doctor or a nurse passed by, Dean jumped up looking nervously.  
What if Cas didn't make it? What if he died, without knowing how much he mattered to Dean?  
Dean wanted to punch a wall trying not to cry while his desperation rose inside him threatening to drown him in angst and panic.  
Finally a doctor walked down the floor and actually stopped in front of Dean.  
“Agent Cater?”, he asked.  
“Yes”, Dean sounded horrified preparing himself for the worst, “How is he doctor?”  
“Your partner agent Mills is a bit weakened, but all in all okay. We disinfected his cuts and gave him some painkillers against his headache.”  
Dean breathed relieved.  
“However we could not find other reasons that might have caused his breakdown. We think he might have a burnout. He should take a few days off, stay in bed. And it would be good if someone would look after him. It's a bit unusual that a grown up man suffers from dehydration”, the doctor continued.  
“Don't worry, I will take care of him”, Dean promised and hell he meant it.  
“Good. Well then come with me, he is still in the examination room”, added the doctor and Dean followed him.  
As they arrived in the examination room Dean had to keep himself from throwing himself in Cas' arms.  
As Cas saw Dean he gave him a tired smile.  
“Hello Dean”, he said stertorously.  
“Hey Cas”, Dean managed to say sounding a bit suffocating, “I'm gonna take you home now.”  
Castiel just nodded and got up.  
“Woah, easy there”, Dean said as Castiel started shaking, grabbing his friend's arm, “Not that you fall again. And now let's get you out of here and into my...I mean **your** bed”, Dean bit his lips.  
“What the hell, brain?”, he thought but didn't focused on it any longer because Castiel really had problems holding himself up.  
They almost reached the exit of the hospital as the fez girl appeared out of nowhere in front of them.  
“Metatron sends his regards. Castiel has to remember to stay out of trouble or the next angelic attack will not be so gentle”, and before Dean could do the slightest thing she disappeared.

“I swear, I will hunt that bastard down and kill him!”, Dean groaned angrily and Castiel just hummed in approval.

 

When they arrived at the bunker Castiel didn't look better. His face gotten paler and paler over the ride, his eyes were swollen and he had to cough all the time.  
“Dean, I'm fine. I can walk by my own”, Cas insisted as Dean wanted to take Cas' arm over his shoulder and sling his own around Cas' waist. Dean frowned but let him stumble a few steps before Castiel almost fell down at the ground. Dean managed to catch him just in time.  
“You are clearly not walking without my help! In fact”, Dean suddenly lifted Castiel and started to carry him towards the door, “You are not walking at all.”  
Cas was about to protest but the look Dean gave him made him shut up. As Dean kicked the door open and carried Cas over the threshold Cas mumbled against Dean's chest: “I imagined you doing this under slightly different circumstances.  
Under slightly different circumstances Dean would have probably dropped Cas, or stuttered something all flustered and confused, but now Dean had other worries.  
“Guys, we are back”, he yelled through the bunker as he continued carrying Castiel to his room and on his bed. The ex-angel was still wearing his trench coat and his suit. Dean hesitated a second before he stroke off the coat form Castiel's shoulders.  
“I might not be able to walk, but I am most certain I will manage to change”, Cas had noticed that Dean seemed a bit uncomfortable with the thought of undressing him.  
“Okay...well then...I'm gonna make you some chicken soup”, Dean said a bit relieved, “It's an ancient secret human for colds”, he added as he left Cas' room.  
On his way to the kitchen he almost bumped into Kevin.  
“Dean? You are already back?”, Kevin asked surprised trying not suffocate on the candy bar he was just chewing.  
“Yeah I just yelled that, when I entered the bunker.”, Dean answered slightly annoyed and started to cooking the soup for Cas.  
“But why are you back? Were the walking corpses only false alarm?”, Kevin sounded confused.  
“I don't know, I didn't get to check on that. Cas got injured”, Dean explained and added a “Hi Sammy”, as Sam walked into the kitchen.  
“Hey Dean, Cas got injured?”, Sam sounded worried.  
“Yeah, it was Metatron that bitch”, and while he was cooking the soup for Cas, Dean explained exactly what happened. Starting with last night and Cas hearing the Doctor Who theme for the first time, to the fez girl and her ring tone, to Cas breaking down, ending with the fez girl admitting that Metatron was behind all that.  
“So you are saying Metatron placed secret messages that cause Castiel physical and psychic pain, only because Cas was hunting with us?”, Sam tried to understand.  
“Exactly, I would just like to know how he hacked himself in our TV”, Dean now was finished with cooking and filled the soup in a bowl.  
“I could hear into it, maybe I can catch some information that can help us”, Kevin offered.  
“Since when can you understand the angel radio?”, Dean didn't know why but since Kevin was back he behaved just suspicious.  
“It's a prophet thing”, Kevin explained.  
“Well then, yeah you might give it a try”, Dean replied and was about to leave the kitchen as he noticed something “Uhm...Sammy you're wearing your shirt on the wrong side...and Kevin if you don't like to wear a belt you don't have to. There is no need in a silent protest by wearing it unbuckled.”  
Kevin and Sam looked at their clothes and blushed.  
Normally Dean would have thought more about it, but Castiel was more important now then the weird behaviour of his brother and Kevin. Even though I could have sworn he heard Sam hiss something like “You've got time to get a candy bar but not for your belt?”  
But he forgot about it the second he entered Castiel's room and dropped the tablet with the soup on it. It crushed into the ground with a loud rattle supported by Dean's scream for help.  
When Sam and Kevin entered the room they found Dean kneeling over Cas' unconscious body and heard the panic in his voice as he said: “I can't feel his pulse.”


	4. How to save an angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I'm really sorry for taking so long. I hope I will finally manage to keep my promise and update the next chapter really soon.   
> Anyway enjoy reading the new one and I'm sorry as always for grammar/ spelling mistakes

 

That was it. The end This had to be a nightmare. A horrible nightmare seeming so real it was scary.  
Dean's hands were shaking as he tried to find Cas' pulse, desperate for a sign of life. This couldn't be happening. He could not lose Cas. Not again. He had lost Cas to often,  
The apocalypse, leviathans, purgatory, but this time it seemed finale. This time no higher force would save Cas.  
The angels hated him since he was responsible for the fall, God had left the building a long time ago and Dean had no idea how to fight what Metatron had done.  
“We need to do something!” his voice was raspy and shaking. He had trouble holding back the tears of his desperation.  
He hoped Sam or Kevin would say something, do something, but all they did was standing there exchanging looks.  
Why didn't they do anything. Cas was probably dying right now and needed to breathe...and if he couldn't Dean would have to breathe for him.  
It was not how Dean had imagined touching Cas' lips for the first time. It had been slightly different circumstances, as Cas had put it just a few minutes ago, he had imagined for it, not first aid.  
Cas lips were dry and cold when Dean parted them breathing inside them.  
When he pressed his hands on Cas' chest Sam and Kevin were still standing there like they were petrified.  
“Don't stand there like a couple of dumbasses! Do something!” Dean yelled at them.  
Again hes pressed his lips against Cas' hoping something would happen. When he placed his hands again on Cas' chest Sam finally said something.  
“There is someone who could help, “ Dean saw Kevin turning around glaring warning at Sam “, but don't freak out.” Sam added.  
“My best friend is dying, I'm already freaking out and I don't give a damn who it is if he Can save Cas!”  
And once again he pressed his lips on Cas' wondering who Sam meant. When he looked up again he almost choked. Kevin was kind of transforming, he was growing an inch shorter, his hair was getting longer and turning into a dark blond, his skin was getting paler and his dark brown eyes started to glow golden like whiskey.  
Dean's jaw dropped.  
“Gabriel?” he asked not quite understanding what was going on. What had happened to Kevin, how did Gabriel even get here and didn't he die ages ago?  
“Yup Dean-o it's me live and in 3D and now step aside so I can get your boy toy breathing again.” Gabriel answered and knuckled down.   
Dean blinked dumbstruck refusing to take his hands off Cas.  
Gabriel sighed and just placed two fingers on Castiel's forehead.  
After a few seconds that seemed endless Castiel opened his eyes and with rattling noise he tired to catch air.  
“Cas!” Dean cried out his voice a mixture of joy and sorrow.  
Castiel looked at Dean who still had one hand resting on Castiel's chest the other one on Castiel's shoulder.  
“Don't ever do that again.” Dean whispered staring at Cas as if he was the most precious person on earth.  
Castiel just nodded.  
“He is probably still a bit exhausted. Metatron really ripped him off his feet.” Gabriel informed them.  
Dean had totally forgotten that Gabriel was there. After he helped Cas up and helped him to sit on his bed he turned towards Sam and Gabriel.  
“Before you start yelling, let me explain.” Sam tried to calm him.  
“You better have a good one. Because I'm really curious why Kevin transformed into an angel who is supposed to be dead.” Dean sounded really angry.  
Sure Gabriel had saved Cas but what hell was he doing here?  
“You forget I'm the trickster Dean-o. You don't believe I'd stay dead. I could never leave this world full of humans stupid enough to trick, candy bars and not mention the hot piece of ass you have for a brother.” Gabriel grinned at Dean while Sam got really really red.  
“You...wait what?” Dean looked from Gabriel to Sam and back “Are...are you two...dating?” Dean asked not quite believing he was asking this question.  
“I wanted to tell you, but...I didn't know how and so Gabe transformed into Kevin. Kevin is still on his search for this prophet book.” Sam explained his face turning into a deeper shade of red.  
“And the walking dead case in the hospital?” of all the things he wanted to say Dean was surprised that this question had slipped out of his mouth.  
“Was meant as a distraction, so Gabe and I could spent some time together.” Sam confessed his face now burning red like a christmas candle.  
“I can't believe you're dating an angel and didn't tell me.” Dean honestly didn't know what to think. I didn't bother him that Sam was dating someone, sure was shocked that it was a guy or actually an angel...why on earth was his brother dating Gabriel even in the first place? What bothered him was that Sam didn't tell him.  
“Oh like you don't have the hots for my brother.” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.  
Dean opened his mouth but before he could say a word Cas suddenly spoke.  
“That is not correct. Dean's and mine relationship is a none romantically relationship and even though we share a more profound bond we do not, as you say it, 'have the hots for each other' ”   
Dean just nodded, even though the way Cas put it kind of bothered him. Sure they weren't dating and hadn't said anything about being in a relationship, but Dean always felt deep deep down inside that he wanted him and Cas to be more. Especially through the last days he realized that he didn't want to be just friends. He cared for Castiel and when he thought he had lost his angel it had been the worst feeling he ever had felt.   
“If you say so Cassie.” Gabriel didn't sound convinced and Sam raised his eyebrows.   
Dean just turned away from Castiel and stared back at his brother.  
“Dean, please..” Sam tried to say.  
“It's okay Sammy. What ever...or who ever makes you happy. I just wished you told me.” Dean said trying not to sound to disappointed because in the end he was really happy for his brother. Sam just nodded.  
“So and what now?” Gabriel suddenly asked.  
Dean honestly had no idea and Sam remained silent too. To the surprise of every one Castiel broke the silence.  
“Now, we hunt down Metatron.” he said.

 


	5. How to fight with an angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad I finally managed not to take a month for updating the new chapter, I hope I will be able to update the new one next week, maybe I'll be able to update sooner :)  
> I thought this chapter could use a bit more fluff since the last two have been angsty (there is also a bit angst in this one, but as I said also some fluff) so go and enjoy reading it:)  
> Thanks for all the kudos by the way :)

  
“What?” Dean could not quite believe what Cas just had said.  
“We hunt down Metatron.” Castiel repeated.  
“Yeah I heard you! Still what?” Deans just stared at Cas.   
Sam and Gabriel seemed as puzzled as Dean was.  
“I mean Cas, you basically were dead for a few minutes just seconds ago. You first need to get better!” Dean added.  
“Dean, I will only feel better when I have gotten my grace back!” Cas stared back at Dean almost stabbing him with his eyes.  
“Geez Sammy, how do you survive them basically having eye sex in front of you all the time?” Gabriel mumbled towards Sam.  
“Shut up, Gabriel!” Cas and Dean yelled in union and Gabriel lifted his hands apologetic.  
“Cas, you are not going! I almost lost you and fighting against Metatron in your condition is suicide! And I won't let that happen because I lo...because I can't let that happen!” Dean sounded angry and desperate.  
This was not the right time to confess his feelings for Cas. Somewhere between the cuddling on the couch the night before (it actually felt like ages ago for Dean) and trying to get Cas breathing again Dean had come to terms that he was in love with Cas.  
But the fallen angel had mad it clear that he only saw Dean as a good friend only minutes ago.   
But even though Dean had thought the angel would maybe feel something for him, he would not let the angel kill himself.  
“Maybe we should give you two some time alone. Even though I totally agree with Dean. You should get some rest before you jump back in the battlefield.” Sam suggested already pulling Gabriel towards the door.  
“But I...” Gabriel protested but the look Sam gave him silenced him and he followed him through the door, also Dean could have sworn Sam had mumbled something about lollipops while leaving Dean and Cas alone in the room.  
Dean rolled his eyes. He was still a bit hurt that his brother didn't tell him about his relationship but Cas had priority right now.  
“Listen Cas,” Dean almost sounded begging as he sat down on Cas' bed, “I know you really hate Metatron and want you're revenge and believe me I want that too, but..”  
“It is not revenge that I want.” Cas suddenly interrupted Dean, “I mean not at first. All I really want is my grace back. And even though I hate Metatron is revenge not the reason why I want to hunt him down.” and with a deep sigh he added “I want to be an angel again, Dean.”  
The last words echoed in Dean's brain. An angel. A powerful celestial being without any feelings. Well Cas had feelings and he did not just have them because he was a human, no he had started to develop them since he met the Winchesters. But Dean was afraid that getting Cas his grace back would somehow press the reset button. Turn him in an heartless solider again not even remembering Dean's name.  
“But why? What's so bad about being human?” he finally managed to ask his throat dry.  
“It's not being human, what bothers me” Castiel shifted uncomfortable between the sheets.  
“But then what is it?” Dean felt completely lost but then it hit him.  
“Is this about me? Listen Cas, I'm sorry that I was distracted during the last hunt and that I've got you hurt and I'm sorry that I didn't look out for you better and I can understand that you're angry and want to leave, but..”, Dean was desperate and felt like shit. He should have taken better care of Cas. He was a completely useless asshole, “But please don't leave.” he almost whispered the end of the sentence and looked down at Cas' bed sheets, shame in his eyes. He didn't dare looking up afraid meeting Cas' eyes being full of disgust.  
“Dean, what on earth are you talking about?” Cas voice was a mixture of confusion and fury, “I want my grace back because I'm useless without it and a burden.” Now Cas had lost Dean again.  
“What on earth are _you_ talking about?” he asked looking up to see that Cas did not looked disgusted but as confused as Dean felt.  
“I'm useless with out my grace, I can't fight, I can't heal you and all I do is just stand in the way. You always have to watch out for me, make sure I'm okay and not to forget how much effort it is to remind me to eat and drink. I see how you hate it, Dean. Especially the last days, you always had this unhappy expression on your face because you were busy taking care of me and I don't want that anymore Dean. I don't want to waste your time anymore.” Castiel explained and the confusion in his eyes slowly turned into guilt. Dean could not quite believe what Cas just had said.   
“After five years on earth you should finally be able to read human emotions. I looked unhappy the last days because I was worried about you. Didn't you hear what I just said? Cas, I felt guilty as hell because got hurt. I don't give a damn if you have your juice or not. Sure teaching you all that human stuff was a bit difficult but it was not a burden. You are not a burden Cas. I actually enjoyed teaching you some human stuff and I love....I love having you around. Do you honestly believe Sam and I would abandon you because you stopped being a celestial being? Do you have any idea how much you matter to us, Cas? “ Dean didn't know if he should fell guilty because he gave Cas the impression he was unwanted, furious because Cas had thought Dean would only want him because of his angel powers or just relieved that he finally knew the answer why Cas had been so distant since they came back from the hospital.  
“But if you want to be all powered up again, I get it. And I promise you, we will get you your grace back, but can we please talk about this tomorrow. Please, get some rest. Can you do that for me?” Dean asked and Cas just nodded, now he was the one looking down not daring to raise his head.  
“Good. Now get some rest.” Dean got up and was on his way out looking for the broken bowl of soup he had dropped when he had rushed into the room but Gabriel must have cleaned it up with his magic tricks after he had healed Cas because Dean could not spot it anyway.  
“Dean?” he turned around looking at Cas who was staring at him his blanket pulled up to his chest “I'm sor..” the angel began but Dean stopped him.  
“Don't you dare to apologize.” he growled. Cas had done nothing wrong. Well he had misinterpreted Dean's feelings but that was not a reason for Dean to be mad at him.  
Castiel just blushed a bit, nodded and bowed his head.  
Dean's hand was almost on the doorknob when Cas added something.  
“Would you...would you stay with me?” his voice was really quiet and shy and Dean's heart skipped a beat. He was not quite sure if he had understand Castiel correctly and the only thing that came out of his mouth was a high pitched “What?”   
“I mean, I understand..if..if you don't want to...and if...” Castiel started rambling but Dean already striped out of his pants and his flannel shirt, crossed the room and crawled in the bed.  
Sure he was slightly confused by the signals the angel was sending him, in one moment saying they share nothing more than just friendship in the next one asking him to stay with him. But Dean figured if he had a near death experience he would also like someone to stay with him.  
A little sigh escaped his lips when Cas snuggled against his chest and Dean thought back to the night before, them both cuddling on the couch without knowing Cas life would be in danger soon, without knowing they'd basically plan to commit suicide the next day, without knowing he would finally accept his feelings for Cas and get his hopes crushed only seconds later. He couldn't believe what all had happened in 24 hours. Who knew what the next day would bring. Hopefully not a painful death.

When Dean woke up he wondered again why he was not resting on his memory foam..again. Then it struck him. He didn't dare to open his eyes.  
“Please have been a nightmare, please have been a nightmare. Please just let me have had a drink to much, crashing in Cas' bed because I was to drunk to find mine.” he thought but he already knew that it would be too good to be true.  
He finally opened his eyes, seeing that Cas' face was pressed against his chest, a bit drool dropping from his mouth. Once again Dean found himself thinking how cute Cas looked when he was sleeping. So peaceful, no worries, no pain, just Cas and his dreams.  
Only this time would not jump up panicking because he was afraid to admit he had feelings for Cas. No, this time he would lay still, enjoy the sorrow free sleeping Castiel and not move an inch.  
But he did not expect Cas to move. The angel slung one arm around Dean and snuggled closer. Not really a problem but then he shifted slightly grinding his hips against Dean's. Now Dean had to jump up, embarrassment flushing on his cheeks basically jumping in his jeans hoping they would hide his morning wood.   
Castiel looked up confused. Dean's little jump out of the bed had woken up the angel and he asked with a sleepy noise “Dean?”  
“Yeah..uhm..sorry Cas..” Dean stuttered “I...I...” _I didn't want to make you uncomfortable because are not as turned on by me as I am by you? I didn't want you to throw me out of your bed because I was being inappropriate? I would love to take care of this little issue I have here don't you want to join me?_  
Dean just wanted to bang his head against a wall so his brain would shut up.  
“I...had a nightmare.” and now he was having a deja-vu. He was just praying Castiel didn't notice his boner.  
“I should make breakfast. And wake up Sam. I'll meet you in the kitchen.” he said stepping backwards trying not to look like he was in a hurry.  
Castiel just raised one eyebrow and Dean turned around to rush out of Cas' room only to miss the little step in front of Cas' door and to awkwardly stumble out into the hallway.  
This now officially felt like groundhog day and Dean just prayed he would not die over and over again.  
“Why actually was his brother dating the guy who killed him like thousand times?” Dean suddenly wondered when he passed Sam's room. Instead of heading to the kitchen, or actually to his room to handle his problem he rushed into Sam's room.  
“Hey Sammy, I was...oh my god, what on earth!” he walked backwards out of Sam's room the second he entered it. His problem was gone, but he was also scared for life.  
“Are you okay?” Cas voice suddenly appearing next to Dean caused him to jump.   
God, this was really starting to become a routine, awkward awakenings, rushing out of rooms and clumsily falling over something, being scared by the sudden appearance of Cas behind him.  
Dean shook his head.  
“As soon as you got your mojo back I need you to delete a certain memory.” he just said and Cas nodded following him into the kitchen.

They had been able to make coffee, pancakes (this time Dean managed not to burn them) and work on a plan by the time Gabriel and Sam entered the kitchen. Dean tried to ignore the fact that Gabriel was walking a bit funny and Sam blushed a bit when he said “Morning guys.” trying not to look at Dean.  
Gabriel didn't seem to be embarrassed at all, sat down at the table grabbed a cup of coffee, drowned it in sugar and asked: “So what was so important that Dean-o here forgot that he is able to from his hand into a fist and knock with it against a door?”  
“You know this fist may have not knocked against a door but it really has no problem with punching you in the face.” Dean threatened Gabriel and Sam moaned annoyed.  
“For god's sake just cut it you two. But yeah, what's the news?” he asked still refusing to look at Dean.  
Dean exchanged looks with Cas before he answered “We'll get Cas his grace back. And we probably could use you're help.” 

 


	6. How to sacrifice yourself for an angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is coming to an end. I've already finished the other two chapter and will post them tomorrow morning, leaving you with a tiny cliffhanger. Please remember this was actually once meant to be really fluffy and just a bit angsty, so don't loose all hope at the end of this chapter.   
> Thanks for all the kudos and hits, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please don't forget the fluff will return (and I'm really sorry)

“So let me get this straight,” Gabriel was the first one to speak after Dean and Cas had explained their plan, “You wanna break in Metatron's fort, snatch Cassie's grace, kill Metatron if you happen to meet him and then be hunted by his angry angel minions, so basically committing suicide and the only weapon you have is Sammy's brain, two angel blades, my trickster abilities and Cassie's stubbornness and you except us to help you?”  
Sam was just staring at them and Dean knew that their plan was risky and had thought that probably Gabriel would say no, but he just nodded silent.  
“I'm in.” Gabriel said to the surprise of everybody.  
“Gabriel!” Sam cried out while Cas and Dean just gasped in disbelieve.  
“Oh c'mon Sammy, it'll be fun, something completely stupid, dangerous and life threatening. Think of all the awesome _omg-we-could-have-died-and-I-have-too-much-adrenalin-left-sex._ ” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Sam blushed looking like a ripening tomato.  
“Can you please keep it PG?” Dean groaned trying to ignore Sam's red cheeks.  
“Oh but your almost naked cuddling on the couch a few nights ago passes?” Sam snapped back and this time it was Dean's turn to blush.  
So Sam _had_ seen them. Dean was trying to come up with an explanation but he was tired of excuses. Yes he had cuddled with Cas but apparently it didn't mean as much to Dean than it did to Cas. Geez Sam had even been there when Cas had crushed Dean's hope this feeling he had, might have been mutual.  
But before Dean could say anything Gabriel interfered.  
“Wait you had a make out session on the couch with Dean-o here?” Gabriel raised his eyebrows so high they almost touched his hair, “I gotta say I'm proud of you baby bro. Never expected you to finally crack his shell and end up in his lap.”  
Dean would kill him. No matter that his brother had something going on with him, no matter that they needed him to get Cas' grace back, no matter that he was Cas' brother, Dean would strangle him, here and now.  
But before he could do anything Cas just frowned and replied dryly “I already told you that Dean's and my relationship is completely platonic. The incidence on the couch was caused by the dropping temperature and my panic attack. Dean simply tried to calm me and I tried to save the both of us from getting a cold. We did not as you like to put it “make out” and I don't understand how I should have cracked Dean's shell since he is not an egg.”  
Normally the last comment would have caused Dean to spit out his coffee laughing tears, but now he just felt like somebody stabbed a knife through his chest and turned it around.  
So despite the angel's request from the night before, asking Dean to stay with him, Castiel had no romantic interest in Dean. Yes that hurts. For Cas Dean is probably just a broken person, a stupid human who has fallen apart. No wonder Cas didn't want to be with Dean in that kind of way. Even Dean wouldn't want to be with himself so why did he think Cas would. How pathetic.   
But before Dean could get any deeper into his headspace, Sam coughed and asked what they should do now?  
“I take it then you are on board too?” Dean was glad there was something he could focus on and Sam just nodded.  
Sam also suggested to do some research in the library about angel's grace. He was sure he had stumbled across it in a few books and Cas decided to help Sam. Dean figured Cas probably just wanted to avoid him so Dean would not get the wrong idea after the last night .  
He and Gabriel agreed to work on some weapons to take out angels and if possible Metatron himself. The archangel showed Dean how to make some bombs blasting angels away like those demon bombs Kevin had made them. Dean thought about calling Kevin, but on the other hand they had put him through too much. Also this was practically a suicide mission and Kevin was definitely to young to sacrifice himself to kill Metatron.  
Gabriel explained that Metatron had made a new knife, half angel blade, half demon knife (it had been some special demon knife, something like the first one ever)  
melted together in holy fire while Dean and he were working on the bombs.  
“Great.” Dean groaned, “So what's the deal with it exactly?”  
“If he kills anybody with it not even I will be able to bring them back to life.”  
“Oh.” Dean had to swallow. Okay then Metatron had some deadly and fancy weapon, Dean would still try everything to get Cas' grace back.  
“Oh, before we go, I wanted to tell you I'm glad my brother is happy, but if you hurt Sammy, I swear I will hunt you down and break every single of your bones over and over again.” he added staring provocatively at Gabriel.  
The archangel sighed “Trust me, Dean. Hurting Sammy is the last thing I'm planning to do.”  
“Trust you? You've killed me several times, remember?” Dean finally said what was going on in his head. How did this Sam Gabriel thing even happen?  
“To my defence you killed me several times too, remember? Also I've sacrificed myself for you two, getting killed by my own brother? Not to forget that I gave you the hint with Lucifer's cage. So don't get all 'Why should I even trust you' on me.” Gabriel sounded hurt somehow and Dean had to admit he had a point. He kinda felt guilt coming up, he really should give Gabriel a change. Also he seemed to make Sammy really happy, and that was what counted.   
Dean tried to focus again on building the bombs (luckily the men of letters had a lot of ingredients for things like this stored in the bunker) but he still couldn't help his curiosity.  
“And..uhm...and when did this...happen...I mean you and Sam?” Dean just had to ask.  
“Basically when you and Cassie had your little honeymoon in Purgatory.” Gabriel admitted and Dean blinked in surprise.  
“First of all please cut the comments about Cas and second of all when I was in Purgatory my brother was in a relationship with a girl named Amelia.” being rejected by Cas hurt enough Gabriel did not have to mock Dean's pain anymore.  
“Well I guess your brother was not ready to tell you that he has a sweet tooth for angels, even though it runs in the family.” Gabriel explained.  
“Would you stop with the Cas things! And so all this time this Amelia...”  
“Has been me.” confirmed Gabriel “And my comments didn't seem to bother you so much. I mean I've basically spent the last few days in your head.” he added with a smug grin.  
So the voice in his head sounding like Gabriel had actually been Gabriel. But why, why did Gabriel try to push Dean towards Cas if Cas was the one who didn't want to be in a relationship with some like Dean.  
“Well yeah, you have heard your brother. We're just platonic.” it came out with more bitterness than planned but before one of them could say anything else Sam and Cas entered the room.  
“So we didn't get much information about an angel's grace, but there are really amazing things you can do with an external grace. Real miracles, I honestly get why Metatron steals them. Even though only the angel to whom the grace belongs has the ability to do those. Metatron can only use them as power boost. Anyway we probably have enough information got get Cas' grace back” Sam informed them, “Are you two ready to go?” he asked.  
“Dean-o and me, yes. Cassie is the one who still needs something.” Gabriel replied moving forward to Castiel.  
“And what would that be?” Cas asked frowning a bit.  
“For once the courage to grab the hot piece of ass Dean Winchester is,” Dean almost choked, Sam frowned and Cas just rolled his eyes while Gabriel pressed to fingers on Cas' forehead “Still think you're hotter baby,” Gabriel nodded towards Sam “And the other thing you need is sound proof.” and with that he pulled his fingers away from Cas “This bitch Metatron now can play as many TV show themes as he wants, there is a wall in your brain protecting you from collapsing.”   
“Thank you, Gabriel. But as I said...” Cas tried to say.  
“You and Dean-o are just platonic. Yeah, yeah I get it.” Gabriel interrupted him and Dean was kinda glad he did, because he was not really in the mood to be rejected a third time.  
Before it could get anymore awkward Sam suggested to take their stuff and finally go to get Cas' grace and to hunt down Metatron if possible.  
Dean was really thankful for that and they grabbed the bombs Dean and Gabriel had made, some holy oil and moved to the garage where baby was waiting for them. On their way to the garage Gabriel let his hand slip in Sam's and Dean kinda envied them. He'd love to have someone to hold hands with. He looked at Cas and the painful pressure shot back into his chest.  
  
Since Gabriel had kept an eye on Metatron he could tell them exactly where that bastard was hiding. On their way there they went trough the plan again: Gabriel and Sam would take care of Metatron's minion and trying to distract Metatron if necessary. Dean and Cas would sneak in and steal Cas' grace. Gabriel had seen that Metatron his stolen graces, and the guy had a lot of them, in a hidden room in the library. If you pulled out the right book, a secret door would open.   
“What a cliché.” Dean thought but honestly Metatron was such an ass it was not astonishing he had no sense for creativity.  
When they arrived in front of the old fabric in which Metatron was hiding Dean knew this was it. They would either die or win and get Cas' grace back. Then Cas would turn back into an angel and don't need the help of Sam and Dean anymore. He would leave and probably never come back. Cas might have said that he wanted to be an angel again because he felt like a burden but by now Dean was sure he just didn't want to hurt Dean's feelings anymore and tell him that he was disgusted by him. How much he hated Dean's brokenness, how much Dean needed him. He probably just wanted Dean to help him, so he didn't tell Dean the truth. And if that's what the angel wanted, Dean would give it to him. He would get Cas his grace back and then watch the angel leave forever.  
Dean was pulled out of his headspace by some hideous noises cause by Sam and Gabriel who tried to eat each other's faces.   
“Hmhm, guys.” Dean coughed but it left Gabriel and Sam totally unimpressed.  
When they finally finished Dean and Cas just glanced reproachfully at them.  
“What? We might die in a few minutes, might as well make the most out of life.” Gabriel said wiping with his hand over his mouth and chin.  
“Anyway. Cassie, Dean-o, see you on the other side.” and with those words he took Sam's hand and they both ran towards the old fabric.  
Dean suddenly had a horrible feeling. This entire scene totally remembered him at his one trip to the future, when Zachariah had sent him into 2014 where he had met himself and had seen how his 2014self had sacrificed his friends and Cas using them as a distraction. He himself basically had killed Cas.  
But not this time. Dean shook his head. Not today. He would protect Cas not matter what would happen. And yes maybe the angel would leave Dean afterwards but that didn't change the fact that Dean loved him and would do anything to make his angel smile again.  
“Okay, let's go.” he said fighting the strong desire to take Cas' hand like Gabriel had done it with Sam's, but then he remembered that Cas probably would feel horribly uncomfortable.  
  
Entering the fabric was surprisingly easy. No traps, no angels, Gabriel and Sam must have done a good job distracting them. It was also really easy to get in the library and find the bookshelf which hid the secret chamber filled with graces. Dean pulled the on book out Gabriel had told him (why on earth was it the “Kama Sutra”? Either Gabriel was playing with them or Metatron was just really completely bananas.).  
The bookshelf slid aside and behind a was a small chamber, almost like a broom cupboard filled with about 100 graces. They were in small glass containers on which was a tag with a name written down. But Dean didn't need to read the tags, he knew immediately which one was Cas' grace. It was shining brighter than all the other graces and was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. When he reached forward and touched the glass the grace suddenly seemed to light up, shining even brighter, moving like fire in the wind and Dean felt a warm tingling inside his stomach.  
“I believe this one belongs to you.” Dean said handing Cas over his grace.  
The angel's eyes started to sparkle in the light of his lost grace and if Dean hadn't already accepted that he had fallen in love, he would have done now. There was a small smile on Cas lips that made Dean's leg go all wobbly and for one second he forgot, that Cas would leave him, he forgot that Cas didn't love him back, he forgot that they were still standing in Metatron's library. Because for this one second Cas did smile again.  
But Dean was suddenly ripped out of his bubble when a familiar melody started playing.  
He turned his head around only to see Metatron standing there a phone in his hands playing the Doctor Who theme and waiting for Cas to break down.  
He still looked like gnome and gave Dean the urgent desire to punch him in face. His narcissistic smile slowly started fading because Cas was still standing not looking affected at all.  
“Sorry, bitch, but that doesn't work anymore.” Dean said with a confident grin and pointed at Metatron's phone.  
“Well it might not, but this will.” and with those words Metatron pulled out a blade, the one Gabriel had described Dean figured, and before he actually realised what happened the blade was flying through the room with a obvious destination: Castiel's chest.  
Before Dean could event think about what he was doing he threw himself in front of Cas and pushed his angel aside.   
There was an unpleasant noise and suddenly Dean felt a sharp and burning pain in his guts and all his breathe was pressed out of his chest. When he looked down he saw that the blade was sticking out of his body and he suddenly felt how his leg started shaking and he sunk down. The pain started fading and his entire body started feeling numb. Also he suddenly was tired, so tired and his vision started getting really blurry.  
“DEAN!” he heard a cry and suddenly felt a hand pressed on his shoulder trying to hold him up.   
“Looks like you have to decide. Finally being a powerful angel again or saving your beloved human.” he noticed Metatron's disgusting voice and wanted to correct him. Cas didn't love him. Metatron was completely wrong. But Dean wasn't able to say a single word, he was so tired and resting against...Cas? Was he resting against Cas? Felt really comfortable.  
He felt how Cas shifted and got up.  
“Go to hell!” Cas must have screamed but for Dean it just sounded like a whisper. He had really trouble keeping his eyes open but what he saw looked like Cas blasting Metatron with one of the angel bombs they had built.  
Dean suddenly felt really cold and his eyes were slowly closing.  
“No, no, Dean!” Cas hands were on his neck “Stay with me, Dean. Please.”   
Dean was a bit surprised that Cas sounded so desperate.  
“ 's okay Cas, you've got your grace back,” he mumbled feeling how the life was sucked out of his body “, and you don't have to keep up with me anymore.” Dean smiled slightly risking a last look at those blue eyes deep and (to his surprise) full of emotion like the ocean.  
He knew it was almost over. It was not the first time he had died, but this, this was obviously the last one. The cold was taking over his body and his breathe was a weak rattle. His vision went black.

 

 


	7. How to make an angel fall for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst and the feels of the last chapter, here go have some fluff.  
> Thanks for all the kudos and hits :)

There was a warm sensation. Dean basically felt a soft tingling in his entire body. This was new. It felt good, welcoming, and loving. Did he without his knowledge become a buddhist and this was now Nirvana?   
“Open your eyes, Dean! Please, Dean.” he heard a hushed begging, getting louder and louder “Dean, you stupid son of a bitch, don't you die on me! Open your eyes!”  
And when he did he looked into a pair of stabbing blue eyes drowning in tears.   
Nope, no Nirvana just his personal heaven, welcoming him with someone who looked like Cas.  
“If this is heaven I never want to leave again.” he said sounding like a cliché, but he meant it. If heaven meant a Cas who was bent over him crying because Dean meant something to him, he was happy to accept it.  
The Cas clone suddenly grabbed him pulling him in a tight hug and whispered his voice full of tears and sobs “I thought I had lost you.”  
That was something really weird he did not expect his personal Cas clone to say. And then he started looking around. Why did his heaven look like Metatron's library and why were his and clone Cas' clothes full of blood? It only led Dean to one conclusion.  
“I...didn't..die?” he asked not quite getting what was going on. Why wasn't he dead? And why did Cas hold him like Dean was the most pressures thing in existents.  
Cas' stopped hugging him and looked him straight in the eyes, his hands were still resting on Dean's shoulders though.  
“Technically you did.” Cas sobbed and had to wipe away a tear “But I sacrificed my grace to save you. You know Sam mentioned what an angel could do with an external grace, it included saving someone's life that is beyond saving.” and Dean had to gasp.  
“You...you did..what.” he couldn't really believe what he just heard. So the tingling warm feeling had been Cas' grace. But why did he use it for Dean? He was not worth saving.  
“I didn't have another choice. Don't you ever do that again, okay! Promise me that you will never be so stupid and sacrifice yourself for me again! Promise me Dean Winchester!” Cas was voice was still a bit shaking but he was also kind of yelling at Dean who was still sitting there gasping at Cas who was kneeling just a few inches in front of him.  
“Why did you even do it in the first place?” Cas asked almost sounding angry, “Why did you have to be so stupid and throw yourself into the knife? Why Dean?”  
“Because I love you.” he didn't care that Cas didn't feel the same. He didn't care that he just probably had ruined their entire friendship and that it now would get awkward because Cas could not leave without his grace. He didn't care. He just had to say it.   
Dean didn't dare to look up, afraid meeting Cas eyes. Cas had remained silent but now broke the silence with a single, high pitched, almost not audible “What?”  
“Because I love you, okay? I love you, and I know you don't feel the same and you probably regret already that you saved...” but before he could finish his sentence Cas yanked him forward for a kiss.  
Dean froze and for a short second his heart stopped beating. Cas was kissing him. His brain was flooding with questions like how,why, what, but he managed to make his brain shut up and enjoy the kiss. He felt Cas' soft lips on his own and slightly started sucking on Cas' bottom lips, his hands slung around Cas' waist. Cas nibbled on his upper lip and pressed his hands against Dean's back pulling him closer and closer like he was afraid Dean might vanish any second. The tender touch of Cas' lips on his own send shivers down Dean's spine. He parted his lips slightly more and Cas deepened their kiss. Dean started to feel this warm tingling feeling again. He didn't know if it was the rest of Cas' grace, the joy of being alive or simply just kissing Cas, but Dean felt like he was glowing from the inside. After a few more seconds the both of them had to part way trying to catch breath again.  
After he had managed to collect his thoughts he finally managed to say “Why...Why..did you do that?”   
Cas just tilted his head and looked at Dean slight confusion in his eyes.  
“I mean don't you think I'm an abomination?” Dean just blurred.  
“Why would I think that?” Cas just looked like a first grader who had been giving a book about quantum physics.  
“Because I'm broken. Isn't that the reason why you always said this was just platonic? Because I'm not worth it.” Dean explained quiet, feeling like was stabbed again. His entire euphoria about the kiss was gone. Cas probably just hadn't known how to react to Dean's confession.   
“Dean, I only said that because I thought I was making you uncomfortable. I thought you didn't want this. I mean you jumped every time we did get a bit intimate. I figured you where freaking out because you just felt platonic towards me.” Dean's head jerked up not quite believing what the angel was saying, “I mean, yes you are broken, but so am I. That doesn't mean you're worthless Dean. You are so worth it, you are worth fighting for, you are worth giving up my grace, Dean you are worth living for. You kept me alive in my darkest hours and I'm so thankful for it. Dean you saved me several times, how can you possible think you're worthless? How can you possible think I would think you are an abomination?” Cas now put his finger under Dean's jaw and forced him to look Cas directly in the eyes “I love you, Dean Winchester. I did it from the moment I saw your soul in hell, shining brighter than any soul I've seen before. And I will never stop loving you.” Cas ended his speech and Dean just felt...there was not really a word to describe how he felt.  
All he could say was “Oh.”  
Cas loved him. He really loved him. Castiel, an ex solider of God, a fallen angel, was in love with him. Dean Winchester.  
“Oh.” was still the only word he could say.  
Cas looked at him concerned. Dean probably looked like he was hit by a truck.  
He swallowed, tried to order his thought and finally managed to say more than “Oh”  
“I..uhm..love you too.” he stuttered.  
“I know, you already said you did.” Cas had a smug grin on his face.  
“Yeah but I didn't have such a dramatic speech like you did.” what on earth was he even saying?  
“You died Dean, don't you think that is enough drama for one day?” Cas joked but there was a certain solicitude in his voice.  
“You're probably right.” Dean agreed, “Cas?”   
“Yes Dean?”   
“Can we repeat the part with the kissing again?” he asked grinning like an idiot.  
As an answer he felt how he was softly pulled forward and his lips met the lips of the angel who fell for him.  


 


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was is, this is the last chapter of "How to fall for an angel"  
> I hope you all enjoyed reading it, thanks for ignoring my spelling mistakes, or that it took me a bit updating in the beginning, thanks for all the hits and kudos and thanks for reading :*

It was a relaxing Sunday morning. They all had needed a good hand full of sleep after distracting Metatron's minions, killing Metatron, dying and coming back to life.   
Sam and Gabriel had been so exhausted they hadn't noticed that Dean's and Cas' hand had been tangled in each other the entire drive home. They all had been so tired they had decided to go straight to bed and tell each other the next morning what had happened.  
Sam and Gabriel also hadn't noticed that Dean had entered a door a room too early, following Cas.  
When Sam and Gabriel came in the kitchen the next morning they were not quite believing what they were seeing. Dean leaned against the kitchen counter his hands around Cas hips softly pressing a kiss on Cas' mouth.  
“What on earth...” Gabriel cried out.  
Dean and Cas slowly stopped kissing and Dean just mumbled “Morning. Breakfast is on the table.” and then ignoring the wide eyed staring of his brother and Gabriel returned to kissing his boyfriend. Dean liked the sound of that. His boyfriend. He had to smile against Cas' lips.  
“You owe me ten bucks.” he heard his brother whisper and chuckled slightly.  
After they sad down at the breakfast table, explaining why Cas was graceless and permanently pinned on Dean's face, Gabriel and Sam told their story. How they had been fighting Metatron's minions, how they had almost died as well, but actually they just had got a few scratches.  
“So do you wanna watch some TV?” Dean asked after they had finished breakfast smiling at his angel. He still couldn't believe his luck and every time he looked at Cas he simply had to smile. His arms were lazily hanging around Cas' waist.  
“I'd love to, but you have to promise me something.” Cas was running a finger over Dean's chest sending a warm tingling down Dean's spine.  
“Anything.” he promised and he really meant it.  
“No Doctor Who.” and Dean had to laugh really hard.  
“Yes, okay. Not Doctor Who.”  
He actually didn't care what they were watching. All he cared for was sitting there on the couch where it all had started a few days ago, Cas snuggled against him and the knowledge that his angel loved him.  
He didn't know that in a few weeks he and Cas would definitely do more than just cuddling and kissing on the couch. He didn't know that in a few years he would Cas would sit on this couch and Dean would ask him to marry him (by that time Gabriel and Sam already had gotten married thanks to a lot of alcohol and a church in Vegas). And he didn't now that almost two years after asking this question he would sit on that couch and sing their daughter to sleep.  
All he knew right now was that he was happy and that he had fallen for an angel.


End file.
